I keep losing the papers where I jot down the hilarious things kids say. I have recycled several gems, including another batch of inadvertent poetry and everything from the election.*
But here's anecdote that is now forever etched into my memory. I just got to have this conversation with a parent:
"I'm calling because your son earned a community violation today for using inappropriate language during recess.... Specifically?... The word was balls.... He was angry at another student, and he decided to talk about that student's balls.... On the bright side, when I asked him about it, he showed integrity and admitted that this was inappropriate."
Fifth graders are at a weird age. They're developing a moral compass. They'll push someone off a jungle gym but argue indefatigably at the perceived injustice of the teachers getting pizza when they're not allowed to have pizza (see below). They're old enough to make sexual jokes and comments, yet they're not old enough to understand sarcasm much of the time. They are learning to gauge what is appropriate and inappropriate to say in school. But I too am learning what is appropriate and inappropriate to say around them. Hence, this conversation:
(Necessary background info: We bribe our kids to eat their vegetables with stickers. [Intrinsic motivation is for the anemic.] The stickers are awesome. They are doe-eyed, anthropomorphic vegetables. Cheerful bell peppers, mischievous eggplants, etc.)
5th grader: (Eating an apple) Why do you give us stickers for eating vegetables but not fruits?
Me: Because people just eat fruit. They don't have to be convinced. But for some reason, and I have no idea why because vegetables are delicious, you all have to be convinced to eat vegetables. So we bribe you. With stickers.
5th grader: Why is it okay for teachers to bribe students but not for students to bribe teachers?
Me: You can bribe teachers.
5th grader: We can???
Oops.
Here's the pizza argument:
(More necessary background info: My school has a strong healthy food policy. Among the many items considered contraband is any form of greasy pizza. Also, for an end of trimester treat, our leadership ordered all the teachers... greasy pizza. I did not eat mine in front of the kids, but I did have some set aside.)
5th grader: Why can the teachers have pizza and we can't?!
Me: Okay, I'll tell you. (They all lean in with intrigue) Because this is a special occasion for teachers and we are celebrating, just like you get pizza at your celebrations.
5th grader: What are you celebrating?
Me: Being awesome teachers.
5th grader: But... that's your job!!!
Me: Still.
5th grader: Why do they have to eat it in front of us?
Me: They're not... They're just walking through the cafeteria because it's the only way back to their rooms. They're not trying to wave it in your face.
5th grader: Mr. X just walked by and waved it in our face.
At that I laughed out loud and walked away.
Next time they ask why teachers are allowed to have pizza and students aren't, I'm going to say, to develop your argumentative reasoning.
*This I do remember, from the afternoon on election day: "If Mitt Romney wins, are we going to be poor? I don't want to be poor." And this from a first grader the day after the election: "I made up a nickname for Mitt Romney. Lose Romney."
But here's anecdote that is now forever etched into my memory. I just got to have this conversation with a parent:
"I'm calling because your son earned a community violation today for using inappropriate language during recess.... Specifically?... The word was balls.... He was angry at another student, and he decided to talk about that student's balls.... On the bright side, when I asked him about it, he showed integrity and admitted that this was inappropriate."
Fifth graders are at a weird age. They're developing a moral compass. They'll push someone off a jungle gym but argue indefatigably at the perceived injustice of the teachers getting pizza when they're not allowed to have pizza (see below). They're old enough to make sexual jokes and comments, yet they're not old enough to understand sarcasm much of the time. They are learning to gauge what is appropriate and inappropriate to say in school. But I too am learning what is appropriate and inappropriate to say around them. Hence, this conversation:
(Necessary background info: We bribe our kids to eat their vegetables with stickers. [Intrinsic motivation is for the anemic.] The stickers are awesome. They are doe-eyed, anthropomorphic vegetables. Cheerful bell peppers, mischievous eggplants, etc.)
5th grader: (Eating an apple) Why do you give us stickers for eating vegetables but not fruits?
Me: Because people just eat fruit. They don't have to be convinced. But for some reason, and I have no idea why because vegetables are delicious, you all have to be convinced to eat vegetables. So we bribe you. With stickers.
5th grader: Why is it okay for teachers to bribe students but not for students to bribe teachers?
Me: You can bribe teachers.
5th grader: We can???
Oops.
Here's the pizza argument:
(More necessary background info: My school has a strong healthy food policy. Among the many items considered contraband is any form of greasy pizza. Also, for an end of trimester treat, our leadership ordered all the teachers... greasy pizza. I did not eat mine in front of the kids, but I did have some set aside.)
5th grader: Why can the teachers have pizza and we can't?!
Me: Okay, I'll tell you. (They all lean in with intrigue) Because this is a special occasion for teachers and we are celebrating, just like you get pizza at your celebrations.
5th grader: What are you celebrating?
Me: Being awesome teachers.
5th grader: But... that's your job!!!
Me: Still.
5th grader: Why do they have to eat it in front of us?
Me: They're not... They're just walking through the cafeteria because it's the only way back to their rooms. They're not trying to wave it in your face.
5th grader: Mr. X just walked by and waved it in our face.
At that I laughed out loud and walked away.
Next time they ask why teachers are allowed to have pizza and students aren't, I'm going to say, to develop your argumentative reasoning.
*This I do remember, from the afternoon on election day: "If Mitt Romney wins, are we going to be poor? I don't want to be poor." And this from a first grader the day after the election: "I made up a nickname for Mitt Romney. Lose Romney."
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