I am allergic to my school.

I am literally allergic to my school building.

Or maybe I am allergic to the entire concept of work.

I don't know which is better.

I've had an issue with getting eczema on my eyelids (jealous?) for a while. I keep getting prescription topical steroid creams from the doctor, and the topical steroid creams keep coming in packages that say "DO NOT USE IN OR NEAR EYES," and I keep using them for a while anyway, and they keep not really working, and then I invariably end up googling "side-effects of topical steroid creams," and realizing that besides eczema I am also going to get cataracts and  this weird disease that makes your face fat but only certain regions of your face, and then I stop taking the topical steroid creams.

The eczema got considerably worse this past winter. Then I got a sample of  an over-the-counter eczema cream, and what do you know: It worked! And I did not go blind. And my face did not get fat -- and if it were to get fat, I am confident the fat would be evenly distributed.

This was toward the end of the school year. So all summer I walked around just feeling so fly with my eczema-free face.

Then work started. Quick digression: A great way to make a teacher not want to talk to you is to tell them how lucky they are to have "such a long summer." Our summer is exactly six weeks long, and during the school year we don't go to the doctor for face-eczema. Back to the story: So six weeks after the school year ended, it started again, and guess what came back with it. Dry eyelids! My friends call it dry-lid.

Is it the building? Is the stress? Is it the child-germs? Is it the fact that my New Year's Resolution for the past five years has been to drink more water and yet I still never do? Can I file worker's comp?

***

Enough about my eyelids. Let's talk about Homeroom Texas. We name our classrooms after our alma maters. I never did the school spirit thing in college, but now that I'm faking-it-till-I'm-making it, it's pretty fun to say "Good morning, Longhorns!" Any ideas on how to convert "It's 8:51 and OU still sucks!" into a sixth-grade-appropriate motto with an overall theme of teamwork and perseverance? Me neither.

We've had the kids back for just four days and I'm already inspired to make a poster that says Keep Homeroom Texas Weird. Here are my favorite absurdities so far:

A list of my students' suggestions for what to name the two houseplants in our classroom: Sally, Billy, Potty, Planty, Jazzy, [Student Name], Hose, [Student Name], Prosper, [Student Name], Snowflake, Joe, Charlotte, Amy, Texas, Longhorns, Avery, Peanut, Jasmine, Jessica, Genivieve, Hugh, Jay-Z, Chicken Nugget, [Student's Brother's Name], [Last Name of Student Who Already Submitted First Name], McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Daziah, LuLu.

(Actually, let's crowd-source this plant-naming: Vote in the comments section!)

Favorite student responses in writing class: In a quick writing exercise, literally every one of my students answered "family" or "education" in response to "What is the most important thing in life?" Except for this one:

"The most important thing in life is a pet bird. Birds will keep you company. It is a bird that will have you watch them. And also parakeets are the best."

Here's a different student, in response to "Is consuming too much sugar dangerous for humans?":

"Consuming too much sugar is a real danger to humans because it can make you produce less offspring." I guess that's true?

Doing my part to keep it weird:

We eat lunch with our students in the classroom. By "eat lunch" I mean watch the kids eat lunch while trying to do 200 other things. During lunch I am supposed to:
1) "Culture-build" (hang out with kids).
2) Follow up on assignments, answer questions, etc.
3) Eat my own lunch.

Today during  lunch I ate a beet salad while trying to win a balancing contest by standing on one foot (tree pose) and simultaneously grading a homework assignment. Good thing I'm a killer at tree pose.

Favorite thing a 12-year-old boy has said about my beet salad: "That looks mad good."